Weather Event

For days we've been hearing about some serious storms that are supposed to hit this afternoon. I think this one's for real. The system is thicker than the state of Mississippi. The thing is I've seen countless storms that are supposed to be severe just fizzle as they approach where I live. I've heard that the terrain west of us helps to break up storms. Not long ago I was talking to someone about it, and he told me that the Interstate system does the same thing, and it actually creates a microclimate. That's pretty wild, but who am I to say it isn't true? The dude seemed pretty smart. I'd like to check into that theory more. But if you asked my mom, she'd probably say it was Jesus. Whenever a big storm is rolling in, she prays it will dissipate. Maybe Jesus puts up a big wedge. Whatever it is, it's been happening for years, and I really want to study on it. I love a good storm and I hate seeing them disappear right before they get here. I think this one will hit big. Maybe it's too big even for Jesus. Batten down the hatches mom. We got a frog strangler comin' in.

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Sally's boss started texting all the employees of her restaurant this morning to try to get a shift covered. It began really early and I'd only been asleep for about four hours. Sally got a new phone yesterday evening and hadn't yet changed any of the notice settings, so it played this odd piano riff whenever she got a text. The way it's set up, whenever someone replies, everyone in the loop gets the text, so I kept hearing this melody. At first it was in my dreams as my mind tried to make sense of it. I was in that state between asleep and awake, and I was thinking stuff like "Is it the popsicle man? Did some kid get a new piano and only knows one lick?" Finally I woke up and realized it was her new phone. Not wishing to wake her up, I listened to it about 25 times. Finally she woke up and I said "Make it stop." She laughed and changed settings. She started imitating all the employees texting in their excuses: "I have a doctor's appointment." "I'm sick." "I have to take my mom to the airport" and on and on. She decided she'd send in a text saying "Sorry, but I have to masturbate and take my cat to the groomer's." That's hilarious and I begged her to do it, but the way her phone is set up at the moment everybody in her contacts, from her doctor to her mom, would get it. I still think it would have been funny regardless. I didn't get enough sleep, but at least I got a good laugh.

Twisted Humor

Back when I worked in the crazy restaurant where I spent a third of my life, one night this thing came on TV about a guy who was busted for having sex with young farm animals. I had a burst of twisted inspiration and I made up a little tune on the spot. I taught it to my buddy ET and from there it quickly spread. We were all cracking up and some of the customers picked up on it. Pretty soon the entire place was humming to the strains of a new song called "Calf Snatch Fever." I think Ted would have been proud.

Stolen from Zappa

I was watching the new episode of Psych, and Main Dude mentioned "Chubby Pumpaloaf" as a porn name. Imagine my surprise hearing "pumpaloaf" on TV. Well guess what? That was stolen directly from one of my favorite songs of all time, "Broken Hearts are for Assholes" by Frank Zappa. It talks about Sir Richard Pumpaloaf, who is a demented bread-boffer. I think that's just wonderful. I wonder who the Zappa fan on the show is. Great to see Frank's influence still going strong. Here's the tune: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AYQs2rRnJYY

Quote of the Day

"Dynamics is what separates the men from the boys." - me

Jukebox in My Head (selection P-93)

"Tank" by Emerson Lake & Palmer. First, what a great song title. Sounds like somebody's dog. Second, considering how popular this song became and what a vehicle it became for Carl Palmer to display his drumming skills (he still uses it at clinics) over the years, it was basically "filler," a last-minute addition to their brilliant first album to give them enough material to fill up the record. Keith Emerson wrote the song but generously gave writing credit to Carl, which certainly didn't hurt the drummer's bottom line. Greg Lake, as usual, plays a beautiful bass part, and his intro is one of my favorite bass melodies of all time. It plays on my imaginary jukebox all the time, as does the drum rhythm. For those keeping score, it's in 4/4, but it breaks down into 1-2-3, 1-2-3, 1-2; 1-2-3, 1-2-3, 1-2. This song features a drum solo, and as per Carl's usual solos it's massive. It's heavy and powerful, but he plays a lot of Jazz figures that would make Buddy Rich proud. In fact he and Buddy were good friends, and Carl was one of the only, if not THE only Rock drummer to sit in with Buddy's band while Buddy was alive. Carl plays beautiful snare drum rolls, superhuman bass drum notes and melodies on cymbal bells among other things. There's only one Carl Palmer. Enjoy. Studio version: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ueGcV255NfM "Tank" solo from 1077 (check it out): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PrfqVAaR2YQ

Still More Idiot Warnings

After the guy burned his balls on a cup of McDonald's coffee (did he think he'd ordered iced latte?) and a couple other things, we're now subject to "idiot warnings" on just about everything. A recent car commercial shows a car hurtling off a cliff, and at the bottom of the screen it says "Do not attempt." Really? Usually idiot warnings crack me up, but one on the Georgia Keno lottery is a bit odd. It says "Gamble responsibly." What the fuck would "responsible gambling" be? Please make sure to save a third of your paycheck for food and stuff? That's like saying "Use heroin responsibly." Give me a break.

Hammerin'

Today marks the anniversary of Henry Aaron hitting 715 home runs and breaking Babe Ruth's record. It happened in 1974 and I watched it on TV. I also saw him hit one at a game. To me he will always be the true home run king, and Barry can suck it. Thanks Mr. Aaron.

Jukebox in My Head (selection M-80)

"Amos Moses" by Jerry Reed. Some early Funk for you to enjoy. Enjoy. Studio: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KLDtNsIKOhs

My Version is Better

Once upon a time there was a singer named Nancy Sinatra. She was the daughter of another singer named Frank. She had a huge hit with a song called "These Boots were Made for Walkin'" in the 60s. It's a great song, but I only catch it every few years when somebody has a classic station on. The way I sing it is "These boots were made for knockin' (and that's just what they'll do)." Next time the song comes on, sing it my way. It's much better. You'll get a chuckle. Studio version: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yRkovnss7sg

Stars Fell on Alabama

I finally saw a shooting star last night. I mentioned I haven't seen one all year and I've been looking for one every night. I look at the sky a lot anyway, but Sally and I walk our dogs at least once every night so lately I spend extra time looking up. It really was odd. Usually I've seen a handful by now just casually looking at the sky occasionally. I was almost beginning to think that maybe there was some sort of force field around the Earth that I hadn't heard about. I just wasn't catching them, and it was good to see one again. I've run into people who've never seen one and I tell them if they look skyward long enough on any given night they'll see one. So last night I decided I'd stay outside until I saw one. It was a great night for sky watching; it was perfectly clear with no Moon. I must have been outside nearly 15 minutes. Sally finally came out to check on me. She saw me looking up and knew what I was doing. She decided to stay out with me, and a couple of minutes later one flashed by. It was just over the top of a big hedge, and Sally isn't tall enough so she missed it. It was just a little white one and it lasted less than a second, but it was a welcome sight. It shot just after we'd both said I love you, and that was pretty cool. I know the Universe isn't a giant Magic 8-Ball, but I don't see a problem with taking that as a good sign. In any case it was reassuring to finally see one in 2013. The Cosmic Balance has been restored. Cheers

Got Hash? (Dreams?)

Last night my bro-in-law and I went to a concert. We had third-row seats. It was packed, so when it ended we stayed a bit to let the crowd thin out. I was thinking how nice it would be to get stoned, since you can't smoke anything at most venues nowadays. My bro-in-law must have read my mind because he said "How would a big chunk of hash be right now?" Wow...hashish...haven't seen much of the real thing lately. Just then the next guy over goes "Looking for some hash?" BiL says "No, but that guy might" and nodded my way. The guy turns to me and says "I have 20 kilos in storage. How many you want?" Knowing I couldn't afford a key of hash I didn't think we'd be doing any business, but I thought it was funny that when my BiN mentioned hash, here's a guy with over 40lbs. You don't see that happen every day. I figured I'd put it in my blog and title it "Got Hash?" Ha ha. Just then I woke up and realized it was only a dream. It's just as well, since I didn't happen to have a couple thou in my pocket and couldn't get any anyway. I got a chuckle out of it, so I'm still putting it in my blog. Mmmmm...hashish. Wish I had some.

First Lightning Bug

I just saw the first lightning bug (or firefly if you prefer) a few minutes ago. That means it's about to be Spring. I thought at first it was a shooting star, which I haven't seen a single one of this year, which is odd since I spend so much time looking at the sky, but that's another story. I like to keep track of these things.

Quote of the Day

"I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy." - traditional

Great LP Covers

This is one of my favorite LP jackets of all time. The band was called Illusion, and they were short-lived, recording only one other LP. They hailed from England and were pretty much a Jazz/Rock/Fusion deal. They must have had a nice budget to do such a cool cover on their first LP. This jacket wouldn't happen today; nobody would want to pay for it, and it wouldn't be very impressive on a little CD cover. I'm almost certain it was done by a company called Hipgnosis. It won several awards, including "Best album cover" by at least one poll. It came out in the early-mid-70s, so it was obviously pre-computer. This jacket was done in real-time, as it were. Analog. If I remember correctly, there was a thin pipe in the middle between the earpieces, and it was coated in acrylic or such to look like water, and water was pumped through it and made to splash in the earcups. I think that's how it went down. However they did it it's very impressive. The music's pretty good too.

Jukebox in My Head (selection B-94)

"Hey Now" by Talking Heads. This fantastic song is from the movie "True Stories." This should be in everyone's collection, as should be the record by the same name. Enjoy. Studio version:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XG9qDl0EEtI

Great Song Modulations

"California Girls" by the Beach Boys. No need to discuss the merits of this tune - it's been covered about five billion times. On the last refrain when they go "I wish they all could be California girls" when they say "girls" the chord modulates up to a beautiful and unexpected chord. I don't know what chord it is or what the interval is without sitting at a keyboard, so you'll just have to listen. It almost has a suspended and major feel at the same time. Nice.