Question of the Day

"Well, how much did 'dey wave?" - Bald-headed John, king of the plookers

Dog-Walk Humor

Sally and I were just walking our dogs Chipper and Bert. Bert, who's still a puppy, had his head down a hole, and he seemed very interested. Sally looks over and goes "Hey, Bert! Get your face out of that hole before something pops up and bites you on the nose and it costs us $300!" That's funny, but can dogs understand complete sentences?

Tips for Stoners

Never buy a copy of High Times when you're out of weed.

Weird Instruments

These odd instruments are called Boat Bells. They're made of iron I think, and are welded to a bar with a loop, for hanging on your boat I guess. There are crude lines of paint, as if he handed them to his kids after they cooled down. They were made by one Joe "Papo" Daddiego, under the name of Jopa. To me they look like a pair of sea slugs. With such irregular edges and turned-in sides, I'd think these would sound a bit dull, with short sustain, but the opposite is true. They have a nice, mellow BONG sound and they ring for a full minute or more. They're sort of a suspended/minor-ish third apart. I know these are rare because this is the only set I've ever seen. I got them on eBay years ago. I met a percussionist online who studied with Papo and had a pair of these, and they were stolen along with bits of his gear after a gig, and he told me he cried when he realized they were gone, and I can understand. They're that cool, and they can't be replaced, as Papo is sadly no longer with us. Jopa instruments were made mainly during the 70s, and not many people remember them, or know how great they sound. Basically they're too rare to be collectible. That's okay. They're beautiful and unique and I'm lucky to own them.

The Oldest Joke in the Book

Whenever somebody says the word "liquor," you say "Liquor?!? I hardly know her!" Works every time. 

Co-Photo of the Day

The Jazz Bobblehead Buddha at rest

Great Song Hooks

The "hook" of a song is a bit like a punchline if you will; the part of the song that people remember. It's a short, catchy phrase and it can be a vocal thing or a melody, or even a sound effect on occasion. In this case it's an onomatopoeia, and you don't get to type that word very often. For catchy hooks in a Pop song it's hard to beat the "Beep-beep, beep-beep YEAH" part on the Beatles tune "Drive My Car." Bet it's in your head right now. You're welcome. Bonus points for cowbell on the quarter notes. Here it is on Youtube (no link): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W7dkn1ZnIPk

Photo of the Day

The Jazz Bobblehead Buddha

Firsts

The first CD released in the US was "Born in the USA" by Bruce Springsteen. That's appropriate. 

Question of the Day

"What is that clickety-clickety noise?" - a concerned citizen

Poem of the Day

"Ketchup's funny in a bottle

Shake and shake and nothing comes...

And then a lot'll"

-the great-grandparents and them

Song of the Day

"One in a Million" by Giles, Giles and Fripp. If you listen to any of the songs on "The Cheerful Insanity of Giles, Giles & Fripp," you'll be amazed that the very next record these fellows put out was the monstrous "In the Court of the Crimson King," but that's what happened. Droll, dry, dorky or whatever, this is some crazy stuff. The first line goes: "He runs a little shop with a room at the top and a mortgage all around it. His little lady will be 53 on Monday and his only son's in the Navy. But he doesn't shout about it, no he doesn't shout about it...he's one in a million." You don't see lyrics like that everyday. It's genius. The record is mostly funny and upbeat and wacky, and most of the tunes would probably fall into the category of "novelty" songs. Despite the goofy lyrics the playing is nothing short of stellar, and this is well worth having if you're the slightest bit into King Crimson, and even if you're not. This stuff is in a category by itself. Great playing, tons of fun and yes, insanity. Highly recommended. Cheers. 

 studio version (sorry, no link function): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IsR1h1w-N1g

Relationship Problems

Like any couple involved in a long-term relationship, Sally and I have had our share of ups and downs. According to her, right now our biggest problem is that I linger too long with my hand in the popcorn bag (not a metaphor). I didn't realize it was an issue until night before last. I got two bags of the above corn (on sale and still $4 a pop) and I opened a bag. Sally strolled up a minute or two later and stood next to me. She sat down by me and didn't say anything. I didn't know she wanted some popcorn; I thought she just wanted to be close to me...she does that sometimes. I was fooling around in the bag when I noticed her eyeing it. Next thing I know she goes "Oh, snap!" or something like that and plunges her hand into the bag before I can get mine out and we're both in there grabbing for popcorn. "Dang" I thought. Twice she stuck her hand into the bag before I'd removed mine, and twice popcorn kernels went flying. It was savage. Still she didn't say a word and I thought she was playing, but last night I opened the second bag and it happened again. She finally broke down and said "You know...you keep your hand in the popcorn bag WAY too long." That's hilarious. I didn't realize. She was very polite about it. I guess she didn't want to hurt my feelings. I wasn't sure if it was a case of impatience or the fact that she just really dug the popcorn or both, but I apologized sincerely and promised to try and speed the next handful along. 

I don't know why I dawdle in the popcorn bag. Maybe it's from too much time spent eating popcorn alone, or maybe somehow reaching into a bag of popcorn makes me think about things, like a Zen deal. I do seem to space out a bit as I'm fumbling around in there. I think it's because I'm trying to get the perfect handful so I can get as much as possible into my mouth in one scoop without getting too much. I try to make my fingers the same size as my mouth, just like a cat uses his whiskers to measure a hole to see if the rest of him can fit through. I do know that every third handful or so I take a second or two to select two nice round kernels to feed the Beagles, since they go berserk for the stuff, and that takes time. Even with careful self-analysis I'm not totally sure what causes this problem, but it's not making Sally very happy, and I'm worried that one of us is going to injure our popcorn hand. I'm going to have to work on it. I know I can fix this. I'm very committed to our relationship.

Photo of the Day

My better half Sally has taken some really interesting photos and this is one of my favorites. It almost looks fake, like there's a backdrop behind some holly bushes, but it's a real photo. The shadows are being cast on low clouds, which is impressive but not all that unusual really. That's how they got the Bat Signal to work. Great photo.

Quote of the Day

"I'm Laura Pruden, and this is my last bill before switching to Vonage." - Laura Pruden

Z Z Top Irony

Z Z Top's drummer is named Frank Beard, and he's the only member of the band who doesn't have a beard. 

Best Thing on TV

The best show going on TV right now (unless they've cancelled it) hands down is My Name is Earl. Just watch one.

ATM Humor

Sally and I drove through an ATM earlier this evening. "Have you ever noticed the Braille on the ATM keys?" she asked. "Uh-huh" I replied. "What are blind people doing driving through an ATM?" she inquired. Good question. 

Photo of the Day

"Lava Flower"

Chinese Cow

My dog Bert has been staying at the Sally Cox School of Beagle Obedience. She has a Beagle named Chipper, who happens to be a good friend of mine, and she's helping to train (actually doing most of the work herself) Bert to be a proper dog like Chipper. I brought over a bunch of Bert's toys and Sally brought out a bunch of Chipper's old toys, and the two dogs had a bit of a toy swap. Chipper ended up with a new bone and Bert selected this cow. It's made in China of course. To save on costs the Chinese company decided to give him only two legs. I wonder if they passed the savings on to the consumer. I guess the Chinese figure that the dog won't care, and neither will the Americans as long as they look at it from the side, but it's a bit of an insult to cows everywhere. It won't stand up for shit, and it's totally meant to be viewed in profile, lying on the floor. It's true...Bert doesn't care one way or another, and I don't think Chipper had a problem with it either, but it's lame. Crazy Chinese. 

Best Term for 'Having Sex' I've ever Heard

"Mr. One-eye visits the optometrist" (courtesy of Keith Emerson)